This isn't a list of physical items I need, rather, a list of dumb idiosyncrasies that are fueled by social anxiety and my general aversion for humans. The supermarket would be the coolest place to go if no one else went there.
- •1. Forget the List. This happens more often than not. My wife will make me a list on the back of a ripped open envelope or water bill and I'll get to the supermarket only to realise I left it at home. The worst part is I'll remember everything bar one item. And it's always the one you dont realise until you need it, like toilet paper.
- •See Someone You Know. This is the worst. It's usually someone from work, highschool, maybe someone I screwed years ago? Typically I'll head in the opposite direction once I've seen them and hope they didnt see me. I've turned into an aisle many times only to quickly pirouette and take the long way around. 'Cause fuck talking to that prick!
- •3. Cant Find Something. I reckon I've trudged up and down every aisle at least 10 times trying to look for something. It's usually something shit like bin liners. They're not with the cleaning products, they're not with the kitchen shit, they just kinda picked a random spot for them. My problem is I never ask anyone for assistance, fuck that!
- •4. Checkout Chicks. "Hi, how was your day?" "Terrible, I had a shit only to realise there was no paper, before getting to work an hour late. Then my boss hassled me all day long. I finish work and come here only to see my boss and I've spent the last hour trying to avoid him while trying to find the fucking bin liners!" Or "Good thanks" for short.
- •5. The other Supermarket. This one is something only I'm stupid enough to do. Do you ever get in the car after shopping only to remember the thing you forgot? Normal people would quickly duck back in, grab the item, then continue on their way. I, on numerous occasions, have driven to the other supermarket across town just to grab that one thing.
- •6. Dont Shop Hungry. The number one rule. You're there for a few key items for tonight's stir-fry. Bok choy, snow peas, no wait, better get this chocolate, some cake for supper, pringles, oh, pancakes for breakfast! Gummy bears and a chocolate milk for the drive, some ice cream, and a variety of cheeses for tomorrow. "That'll be $145.75 thanks" FML