1. Boat rides on the Seine
    Absolutely pure and perfect. Best in late evening. A tour guide will shout locations in three languages interrupting your romance.
  2. Getting crêpes in an alley shop
    Pretty great, the more out of the way the better. Makes you realise crêpes are not that great.
  3. Walking in Versailles' gardens
    It's hard to enjoy roses when a bus full of Japanese tourists form a line waiting to smell the roses too.
  4. Looking at the Mona Lisa
    It is too small, there are too many people and it's really not that great. Victory of Samothrace is way better.
  5. Climbing the Eiffel tower
    You think it's a great idea, but forget it's 669 metal steps up. Take the elevator you idiot.
  6. Getting robbed by gypsies after coming down the Eiffel tower
    They don't really need you to sign the petition, you idiot.