IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN FLYING

  1. Don't buy food at the airport.
  2. Do buy drinks at the airport.
  3. Headphones are like a magical forcefield that allows you to ignore every person around you in the airport, in your seat, in line for the restroom, etc.
  4. Beware; the person next to you on the plane may be like a Pandora's Box of words just waiting for you to open it by initiating conversation.
  5. Try to use the bathroom early in the flight, before it has been completely tainted.
  6. After the flight lands, rushing to grab your stuff and stand up will leave you waiting in the aisle basically holding your metaphorical dick.