MY MORNING BY NUMBERS

  1. 5 - bags of recycling I took out
    We drink a lot of water, beer, and whiskey here.
  2. 4 - times my shoes came untied
    What the fuck, Converse?
  3. 3 - creepy weird people I've never seen before in the laundry room
    They were all creepy, but each in their own special way; maybe I should be calling the police.
  4. 2 - Cups of coffee
  5. 1 - nightmare
    I dreamt I was still married to my ex-wife, so the worst nightmare in the history of nightmares.