1. I was a freshman in college in San Francisco, so I was 18.
  2. I was going out on a first date with a girl who worked at a record store.
  3. I met the girl at her house, and we decided to have a drink before leaving.
  4. We drank an entire bottle of vodka.
  5. After sloppily making out, we walked to her car to go see a band play.
  6. We quickly realized that neither of us could drive, so we decided to take the metro.
  7. I vomited in a bush.
  8. We tried to walk to the metro, but ended up falling down in the gutter.
  9. We made out in the gutter, which is gross for so many reasons.
  10. At some point, we got separated.
  11. I spent the next hour crawling down the sidewalk, trying to figure out which house was hers.
  12. When I found the house, I crawled up to the door, leaned against it, and started knocking while yelling the girl's name.
  13. It was the wrong house.
  14. When the cops came, they found a drunk 18-year-old lying on a random porch, yelling "TRACY!"
  15. I was handcuffed, thrown in the back of a cop cap, and taken to the station.
  16. Once at the station, the cops threw me in the drunk tank, where I quickly passed out on a bench.
  17. After I woke up, I was cold and fairly ornery, so I knocked on the glass until a cop came.
  18. I asked the cop if I could go back home and go to sleep, and he told me to "shut up."
  19. As I looked around the room, I noticed that somebody had etched the words "fuck tha police" into the wall, which gave me an idea that I thought was a good idea.
  20. I started loudly rapping the lyrics to NWA's "Fuck Tha Police."
  21. The cop came back to the door, and told me that, if I didn't shut up, he was going to hit me with his nightstick.
  22. I shut up.
  23. I decided to take another nap.
  24. When I woke up, the cops told me that it was time to get out, so I left and took a cab back home.
  25. The next day, I found out that a different set of police in a different car found the girl lying in a different spot on the sidewalk, and got her home and into bed.
  26. I didn't feel very good.
  27. Silver lining: about 2 days later, I totally had sex with that girl.
  28. Fin