Things I should be doing but am definitely not doing

The anxiety of one more day passing without doing what you tell yourself to do every goddam day
  1. Exercise
    That little voice in my head has been ignored all year and my ass is paying for it.
  2. Pay my credit card bill on time
    But it's so much more interesting to wait until they add on a bunch of extra charges!
  3. Drink more water
    But I rather drink beer and save the water for people around the world who don't have any.
  4. Stop smoking so much weed
    I guess I just forgot..
  5. Seriously think about my relationship status
    ... or wait another month
  6. Get a hair cut
    Cause I look like Yoko. And not in a good way.