1. She said she loves him, that's why she only cheats on weekends.
  2. Wal-Mart's having a sale on bejeweled flip flops.
  3. This chicken nugget tastes like processed ass.
  4. I wish I could go back in time and be an alcoholic.
    Chug, chug, chug.
  5. Impetigo isn't an STD.