1. "My haters"
    I am certainly one of your haters.
  2. Please donate to my gofundme/Kickstarter.
    Please get a job.
  3. I run a business from my phone.
    Sounds like you need to learn how to run a business.
  4. I'd like to speak to a manager.
    You're a bad customer.
  5. I don't even have [insert any social media app] on my phone.
    Let me guess, you don't even own a tv either.
  6. Back in [home state], ______ was so much better/easier/more fun.
    I bet they miss you there. You should go back!