1. Chocolate... ALL of the chocolate.
  2. A full body heating pad onesie
  3. A few Xanax's for good measure
  4. A thumb drive containing chick flicks à la: You're The Worst, Bridget Jones's Diary (x3), Sex And The City (TV), The Mindy Project, Broad City, Catastrophe, Etc, Etc.
  5. Mini ice cream cups in matcha / black sesame / coffee flavours
  6. Some adorable fluffy puppies
  7. A Masseuse &/Or Acupuncturist
  8. A Personal Chef
  9. A Stand-Up Comedian
  10. A Jungian Therapist
  11. Mary Poppins
  12. A virtual reality program that instantly takes you to a beautiful serene beach (complete with heat lamps to simulate the sun)
  13. A few hot ‘Man-ttendants’
  14. A Self-Stirring Mug
  15. A USB Typewriter
  16. A 3D Printer
  17. A Time Machine
    ... so that you could fast forward a couple of days to a time when you would no longer feel so absolutely craptacular