James Bond's Suave One-liners, Translated

"Spectre" hits theaters today. The trailer itself shows Mr. Bond delivering some pretty smooth one-liners. But what do these slick phrases REALLY mean?
  1. “Anything to eat?” “I prefer to drink my meal” = I’m on a smoothie diet so when I take my shirt off my abs really POP.”
  2. “I was taking a little holiday.” = “I’ve just been sleeping, man. I never sleep enough.”
  3. “Let’s get you out of this dress.” = “I don’t know how long my penis will stay hard. I drink, like, a lot.”
  4. “What’s wrong Mr.Bond? You don’t like being hung by your ankles from rooftops?” "I'm just a little out of practice" = "I've been working really hard to introduce peace and serenity into my life."
  5. [After a car chase through Monaco] “Seems like now would be the perfect time for a drink.” = “I’m literal moments from having a full-blown panic attack.”
  6. “I suppose they’ll make me retire someday.” = “I cannot sustain this lifestyle. It’s insane, it’s unhealthy…I need to just, like, not be in a boat explosion for six months.”
  7. “You’re going too fast!” “It’s only speeding if you get caught” = “I’ve had a few drinks, I can’t go to jail again.”
  8. “Where have you been?” “I….took a shortcut.” = “I stopped at Dunkin for a Dunkaccino.”
  9. “Who was that on the phone?” “An old friend.” = “Papa John’s saying my credit card has been declined.”
  10. “Well, well. Looks like these fellows are in the mood to tango.” = “I’m stalling because I cannot find my gun. I know I brought it. Oh man, unless it’s on the kitchen counterrrr….”
  11. “Did you even read the manual, James?” “I never was one for school.” = “I have a learning disability.”
  12. “Who is she?” “She’s a ghost.” = “I think her name is… Karen?”
  13. “Are you hurt?” “Nothing a new coat of paint can’t fix.” = “I’m missing most of my toes.”