THINGS CAROLINE CAN'T DO WHEN I'M PRESIDENT

  1. Come into contact with any Louis Vuitton apparel
    Especially $2000 bags from her grandmother
  2. Wear the color yellow
  3. Utter the sentence "never have I ever stepped backwards over a horse's hoof riding over the Mississippi on a turtle"
  4. Have any semblance of governmental responsibility
  5. Refer to me as anything but "Your Royal Highness" or "Heavenly Father"
  6. Own a dog
  7. Re-paint the White House blue
  8. Be paid more than anyone else on staff
  9. Fuck the Vice President
  10. Exercise independent judgment in legislative matters
  11. Go 4 days without publicly supporting a constitutional amendment outlawing Jeff
  12. Secede
  13. Nullify federal laws
  14. Stop doing push-ups
  15. Did I mention something about a bag? I take it back, you can wear the bag
  16. HA JUST KIDDING I WILL PRESIDENTIALLY PARDON YOUR BAG SO IT NEVER HAS TO BE SEEN WITH YOU