Bad Dates I've Had

So bad. Inspired by @Aisha.
  1. We meet on the White House Lawn. She tells me she's the Vice President. It's a total lie.
  2. We meet on top of the Empire State Building. She dissipates. She is a fog.
  3. We order a second bottle of wine. Things are going great, until the wine comes and the wine is her.
  4. We talk all night. We talk all the next day. We are still talking. I've tried everything.
  5. I could read on her face that she had crazy words written all over her face. When I finished reading them, it was pretty clear they were a gypsy curse. I had hooves. My head was a hoof.
  6. We got in a huge argument over whether she was Vice President or not. Turned out she had been saying "Ice President". I couldn't figure out how to get off the White House Lawn.
  7. I pay for dinner, but turns out, she had bought me the Denver Nuggets. On a first date! They suck. She, too, was fog. I've dated more than one fog.
  8. Says I'm nothing like her previous boyfriend, The Human Torch. Not happy when I light my body on fire because I am The Human Torch. Classic misunderstanding.
  9. Was kind of quiet and food was bad and didn't feel it. Finally worked up guts to break up with Ice President after 48 years of marriage.