Bad Dates I've Had
So bad. Inspired by @Aisha.
- •We meet on the White House Lawn. She tells me she's the Vice President. It's a total lie.
- •We meet on top of the Empire State Building. She dissipates. She is a fog.
- •We order a second bottle of wine. Things are going great, until the wine comes and the wine is her.
- •We talk all night. We talk all the next day. We are still talking. I've tried everything.
- •I could read on her face that she had crazy words written all over her face. When I finished reading them, it was pretty clear they were a gypsy curse. I had hooves. My head was a hoof.
- •We got in a huge argument over whether she was Vice President or not. Turned out she had been saying "Ice President". I couldn't figure out how to get off the White House Lawn.
- •I pay for dinner, but turns out, she had bought me the Denver Nuggets. On a first date! They suck. She, too, was fog. I've dated more than one fog.
- •Says I'm nothing like her previous boyfriend, The Human Torch. Not happy when I light my body on fire because I am The Human Torch. Classic misunderstanding.
- •Was kind of quiet and food was bad and didn't feel it. Finally worked up guts to break up with Ice President after 48 years of marriage.