This is going to be a tough list for me to write, then to read.
  1. Katie Maxson, 1st and 2nd Grade
    Katie was my girlfriend, actually. Lucky that my first crush liked me back. She used to come over to my apartment and say goodbye to me with a kiss on the lips! One time in class, I was sitting next to Katie, and went to whisper her a secret joke. She didn't react, so I went to whisper it again, and noticed her eardrum had visibly exploded. I moved to Westchester, and Katie moved to Bethlehem, PA. If you know Katie, let me know how she's doing!
  2. Leigh Folta, 3rd-5th Grade
    When I moved to a new town upstate, I fell in love with Leigh immediately. She was in an advanced reading class, and when I got kicked out of that class in 4th grade for being generally obnoxious, it really deepened the love I had for the out-of-my-league Leigh. Once, she complimented me on my solo in "Feliz Navidad" in our Christmas Concert, but we never had a chance.
  3. Emma Lou DeGroat, 6th-7th Grade
    Emma Lou was my last great love in the age before love can materialize as something real. God, I loved her so much. Our relationship began on AIM. Once, in 6th grade, I was wandering the halls slapping the wall, then noticed I was approaching a water fountain, and reared back for a great metallic slap. I palmed nothing but silence, and noticed Emma Lou had been getting a drink, and I was holding one of her buttcheeks. Cripes.
  4. Emma Lou DeGroat, 8th Grade
    By the end of 7th Grade, Emma Lou promised to date me. Rags to riches! Even with her assurances, it took me a full day to work up the courage to ask her out in French class, and she turned me down? But she couldn't tell me why. Turned out that night, when I checked her AIM profile, it now read "LYL Dan". Dan! Spent the entirety of 8th Grade still harboring this one. Our song was "Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous". She both deserves and got two separate items on the same list.