Excerpts From Some Kind of Essay I Wrote Freshman Year of College About Bratz Dolls

Did you used to respect me in any way? Well, get ready to respect me infinitely less. I found this on my computer. I have no memory of this. Somehow, it didn't get me kicked out of school.
  1. It's entitled "Bratz Dolls: You Know You Want (To Look Like) One"
  2. "If you come upon one in a toy store, it will become immediately obvious what you are looking at, as the aura of social corruption is far-reaching."
  3. "Their heavily-rouged faces seem to carry a vacant glare that should never be present in a 13-year-old's eyes."
  4. "Obviously, fashion is even more important than how their bodies look; they come wearing high heels, but are missing noses."
  5. "The girls always seem to be ready to 'go to the mall', but they are really dressed as if a night of clubbing is in their future."
  6. "It is hard to believe that parents could raise little girls like these, but as more and more Bratz dolls are sold, such an idea is becoming a distinct possibility."
  7. "Seeing as the Bratz are always shown to be getting the cute boys, why wouldn't America's youth want to dress like tramps?"
  8. "I, for one, have never seen Paris Hilton reading a book or getting a job, but I have definitely seen her fall over."
    Editor's Note: Paris Hilton's show "The Simple Life" was all about her getting various jobs and I had seen this show many times.
  9. "If only all the gussied-up Bratz dolls of the world would simply use their stubby plastic legs, and saunter over to the trash can where they all belong."
  10. Sick to my stomach reading this!
  11. Here is visual proof:
  12. Lesson Learned: Never question how much room you have left to grow up at the start of college.