How to Fix the Home Run Derby

Major League Baseball's Home Run Contest is broken, 100% of people agree. Here is how to change that.
  1. Add a dunk contest
  2. Bonus points for homers that really make you think
  3. An award for "Best Dinger Shout"
  4. Two players who are terrible forced to compete
  5. Player must retrieve own home run balls, scuffle with fans
  6. One umpire given laxative
    Editor's Note: not sure why there are umpires? Workshop this one, Adam.
  7. Played in Denver on mountain top
  8. Pitchers are batters' estranged dads
  9. Scorekeeper surprises everyone at end by revealing he forgot to keep score
    Editor's Note: Adam, just because he forgot to keep score doesn't mean we can't watch the tape and determine the score. You didn't think this one through.
  10. Scorekeeper destroys all tapes of the event
  11. Winner of Derby grabs mic at end and gets to ban soccer in America
  12. Replaced with Hot Dog Fiesta
    Editor's Note: 😔