I Was Once a Mere Random Chance Away From Doing Improv With Jennifer Lawrence but Then She Quit

  1. Summer 2006: I was enrolled in Session Two of New York's Second City summer training program.
  2. It was, like, a two week camp for sketch and improv.
  3. Right before our first day of class was about to start, I heard one instructor whisper to another, "Is she going to do it again?"
  4. The other instructor responded, "No, cross her name off the list. She just got cast on 'The Bill Engvall Show'."
  5. This girl was Jennifer Lawrence.
  6. She literally got her big break and quit my improv class.
  7. My friend David did the first session with her. He's got photos with her and stuff like that.
  8. I don't have that!
  9. But ultimately, I'd say in the long run, it's good for Jennifer Lawrence that she got a major television role that jumpstarted her entire career.
  10. It was a good decision for her to take that part rather than meet me and do improv with me.
  11. But there's some alternate universe in which Jen never meets Bill Engvall, and she and I meet at 16 years old, and I'm honestly probably a pretty bad and not memorable friend because I couldn't talk to girls, and she forgets me very fast or maybe hates me.
  12. Weirdly, there's a better chance Jen and I become great friends in this real universe that currently exists than in the phony one where we actually almost met, because my personality is better equipped now.
  13. So, anyway, wow.
  14. If Jen wanted to come to my show tomorrow I would say, "Yes." She could come for free.