Jarring Elements of "Batman vs. Superman"

  1. They don't fight. Instead, they both gang up on a guy named Garrett and tease him until he cries. Blood.
  2. Batman is always pinching Superman's cheeks and saying, "These are cool."
  3. Superman keeps yelling, "Who wants to Mamba?" while holding up an unmarked soda can. Seems like the soda was supposed to be released in conjunction with the film and called "Mamba"? This soda never came out, they never added a label in post.
  4. Ben Affleck refers to Superman as "Henry" throughout. He ends many lines with, "Come on, Henry."
  5. The secondary villain is Dig 'Em, the Smacks frog.
  6. They both have the same dog throughout? How is this possible? They both call it Randall, and it lives in both of their homes. It's the same dog. The logistics are inane.
  7. At one point, Batman refers to baseball legend Mark McGwire as "Marshall McGwire". This occurs during a 3-hour scene during which Batman is simply watching McGwire's record-breaking 62nd home run game and yelling to an offscreen Superman, "You gotta see this!"
  8. Three drunk Key Grips wander through the entire film, often laughing at what's transpiring.
  9. At one point, during the penultimate scene in Gotham, there's a clearly visible "Welcome To Denver" sign, stapled to Batman's chest.
  10. Batman's assistant Robin is nowhere to be seen. Instead, he's accompanied throughout the film by a small green man named Ronnie who routinely shouts, "Let's Batman!"
  11. Everyone from "300" was in this movie and I'm starting to think I accidentally watched "300" by mistake.
  12. Ken Burns stands at the edge of the screen for much of the final hour vomiting.
  13. Ben Affleck was miscast, if you ask me.