1. Hello Facebook friends,
  2. As you've surely gathered, I have some momentous news hanging in the balance.
  3. News so momentous, I will leave hundreds of your comments asking for further details hanging, for all my attention must be paid to minding the growth and maturation of this offer.
  4. How the offer molts, how it bleats.
  5. All I'm asking for are your best vibes.
  6. I know many of you have your most powerful vibes hidden off in a storage locker or cramped in an acrid attic, but I am requesting those vibes now.
  7. Vibes, which are real, can be mailed to me.
  8. But PLEASE postmark them from BEFORE I received this momentous offer-- I don't want the vibes to be misappropriated to something only moderately important.
  9. I will take your vibes from you in the following formats:
  10. A Bucket Brimming With Slick, Silvery Vibes
  11. A New Mercedes Benz With A Pile Of Vibes In The Drivers' Seat
  12. A Candle With A Vibe-Based Wick
  13. Two Vibes Stapled To A Giraffe That Spits Up More Vibes
  14. A Vibe Blender
  15. And don't try to cheap out on me by sending your third or fourth-best vibes.
  16. I'll know.
  17. I know what vibes are.
  18. And I'm only asking you to give them to me so that I don't take them forcibly.
  19. I have that power, but I just don't want to use it. "What is he, some kind of Vibe Wizard?" Yes. I am a Vibe Wizard.
  20. Sucking your vibes out from a hole in your neck simply wouldn't be in the spirit of vibes.
  21. So, in conclusion, I'll be expecting your vibes post-haste!
  22. And if you're unable to sacrifice your vibes for any reason, I'll accept a personal check.
  23. From the Bank Of Vibes.