Reasons I Was Rejected as the "Nevermind" Baby

I was under heavy consideration to be the "Nevermind" baby, but I didn't get it. Here's why.
  1. Dared to ask Nirvana to categorize their sound
  2. Demanded pool be kept a cool 82 degrees
  3. Got locked in trailer like infant
  4. Penis too small
  5. Questioned lyrics at end of "Smells Like Teen Spirit"; really steadfast in my belief it was "Pacifier" repeated over and over til fade out
  6. Had public beef with Novoselic
  7. Already appeared on Bad Brains album cover
  8. Couldn't breathe underwater
  9. Was 14 years old