Things Ive Learned About Life in NYC

I'm coming up on my three year anniversary in this crazy place. And even though it tries my patience sometimes, I've learned a lot! Like:
  1. Sometimes a fourth-floor walkup really IS five floors.
  2. If a tourist stops in the street for too long, you're allowed to take their eyes.
  3. Never disrespect the Trash King.
  4. If you're running late, don't drag the 6 train above ground by your knuckles!
  5. Even the smallest apartment can feel like home if you burn down every other apartment in NYC.
  6. The John Legend song "All Of Me" was written about me.
  7. If the Trash King asks to see your passport, DON'T tell him you left it in your car; he'll go munch on your car.
  8. A 15-minute walk is never just a 15-minute walk; usually, you have to defeat at least three Tortoise Bosses.
  9. There are worse ways to spend a Thursday night than watching the Rat Chorus bleat at Lincoln Center.
  10. None of the computers at Best Buy can hack military software, except one can.
  11. Don't look the Trash King directly in the gills.
  12. Your landlord can be gruff, but never forget that he IS Ray Liotta.
  13. And most importantly, take the time to occasionally just sit back and breathe in the beauty this city has to offer while dangling from a thin cord at the top of the a Williamsburg Bridge, the Trash King's minions giggling at the nape of your neck, their hot breath stinging.
  14. Cheers to three more beautiful years!