Things That'll Be in My Sex Tape

It's gonna be a great sex tape
  1. A cutaway to a man who yells, "Do my eyes deceive me, or is that guy one of the best?"
  2. A brief pause where I shoo away birds
  3. Audio of me calling a BBQ place to let them know I'm having sex and to get pulled pork sandwiches ready
  4. 3 blurry minutes where I cry thinking about all those old ladies from television who bake pies and put them on their windowsills
  5. 25 minutes debating whether peach or pecan is the best pie
  6. 45 minutes trying to make a hybrid peach/pecan pie
  7. A Loudest Kiss Contest
  8. A cutaway to Kim Cattrall b-roll, like, Kim at the mall
  9. Ironing
  10. Everything is censored with loud chime noises
  11. So loud you can't hear the sex I think
  12. Sex windshield wipers?
  13. Macklemore's human moped from the "Downtown" video
  14. I eat a grape