Things That'll Be in My Sex Tape
It's gonna be a great sex tape
- •A cutaway to a man who yells, "Do my eyes deceive me, or is that guy one of the best?"
- •A brief pause where I shoo away birds
- •Audio of me calling a BBQ place to let them know I'm having sex and to get pulled pork sandwiches ready
- •3 blurry minutes where I cry thinking about all those old ladies from television who bake pies and put them on their windowsills
- •25 minutes debating whether peach or pecan is the best pie
- •45 minutes trying to make a hybrid peach/pecan pie
- •A Loudest Kiss Contest
- •A cutaway to Kim Cattrall b-roll, like, Kim at the mall
- •Everything is censored with loud chime noises
- •So loud you can't hear the sex I think
- •Sex windshield wipers?
- •Macklemore's human moped from the "Downtown" video
- •I eat a grape