Ways Hollywood Has Changed Me

I am a 24 year old boy-man who has been irreversibly changed by Hollywood. This is my story.
  1. I used to think the Hollywood Sign was made of white chocolate. Now I know it's regular chocolate in a wrapper.
  2. I used to think you could buy champagne at stores. Now I know you can only get the real champagne from that one guy.
  3. I used to think the Chinese Theater was where every famous actor lived. Now I know nobody lives there except Bradley Whitford.
  4. I used to think the most powerful man in Hollywood was Ari Emanuel. Now I know it's Mayor Kurt Russell.
  5. I used to think you had to be good looking to be an actor. Now I know you only need to score at least a 45 on your government-mandated attractiveness assessment.
  6. I used to think the camera added ten pounds. Now I know not to eat cameras.
  7. I used to think all Hollywood Badasses shopped in Beverly Hills. Now I know that everyone shoplifts.
  8. I used to think Universal Studios was just an amusement park. Now I know it's an amusement park and a homeless shelter.
  9. I used to think you had to sleep with directors in order to get cast in movies. Now I know that you don't have to but it's way doper if you do because sex rules :) :) :)
  10. I used to think by 24 I'd be starring in the next "Back To The Future". Now I know "Back To The Future 2" was made 30 years ago.