BEST TIMES TO MAKE LINGERING EYE CONTACT

  1. When you start eating candy you've just stolen from a baby. Or small child.
  2. After you audibly fart in an elevator and there's only one other person in it with you.
  3. When you're making out with someone in public, but not with the person you're kissing.
  4. When you're standing in front of someone running on a treadmill.
  5. When you're tipping your local barista.
  6. On public transit. Anywhere. Anytime.
  7. When you casually knock a plate off your arch nemesis' table.
  8. After a massive dunk over Lebron.
  9. When you're slowly eating a banana. Or any phallic food.
  10. With your parents when they're giving you "the talk."
  11. With the cashier when you're buying condoms.