I'VE GOT 0 CONFIDENCE IN MY ABILITY TO:

  1. Enter a bookstore and not buy at least one book
  2. Stop drinking after I've consumed 3
  3. Successfully use Tinder
    By any metric
  4. Only watch one episode
    Of basically any show I like
  5. Get rid of my old track/XC spikes
    There's about a 2% chance I'll ever have the opportunity to wear one pair again, let alone the 8 I've kept since high school
  6. Read all the books stacked in my room
    See item one
  7. Gracefully accept compliments
  8. Pay attention for an entire 3 hour night class on international arbitration
  9. Floss every day
  10. Get through my backlog of New Yorkers
    At least until finals are over
  11. Grow a goatee
    Not that I want to, I'd just like to have the option