EVERY TIME I GET ON A PLANE

I wrote this really fast so there are probably a bunch of grammar and spelling mistakes - whoop whoop
  1. I look down and judge how big the gap is between the plane and the ramp. I wonder about who's fallen through, if anyone, ever.
  2. I smile and say hello to flight attendant. I try to lock eyes and in an instant I try to relate my empathy with them that people don't know how to put their bag up quickly and get out of the way. This happens in two face movements and works 60% of the time.
  3. I take a hard look left to catch a glimpse of the pilots and all their buttons. Yep, still a child.
  4. I scan the first class for famous people, stare way too long at some lady that looks like Kady Lang and try and smile at the big guy who sits up here because he hates spilling out of his chair in economy (poor guy) I then act like I don't give two fucks about first class as the rich business person stares up at my loud jean jacket.
  5. I look at my ticket and see what number i have to go back to. Always window unless I didn't get my shit together with booking the flight. I plot how I'm going to take off my bag in one swoop and sit with grace so the person behind me doesn't even stop moving. This is a personal challenge more than a curtesy.
  6. If no one is sitting in my row i put the arm rests down so to not have that weird moment where you have to put it down while the middle seat person is sitting there. "Don't take this personally, but I need separation from you"
  7. I close the window.
  8. 80% of the time I turn off the air blowing (smells bad to me but that may be an old idea from my mom telling me that it smells bad)
  9. I turn off the screen on the back headrest and turn off the others if the other people in my row are not their yet.
  10. I assess the front pocket situation. Looks dirty 78% of the time.
  11. I assess the head rest situation. I love that some bend now to hold your head. I don't know how those neck pillows work. Maybe my neck is too long.
  12. I peak through window to see if I can see them throwing the bags on the plane. 90% of the time it looks like the bag thrower heard each bag insult his mother and he is taking his vengeance on it. I find this hilarious.
  13. I am on my phone until the wheels leave the Tarmac- like I am right now...🛫