If I had a profile on a dating site, it would include the following
  1. I hate feet
    If someone else's feet touch me, I tend to scream like I'm being tortured
  2. The tubes in my ears collapse a lot and I hear everything like I'm underwater
    I'm usually too embarrassed to admit that I can't hear people so I just nod along and sometimes interject by shouting misplaced cliches
  3. My parents are divorced but I'm not sad about it
    Some people hear that and think I'm a psychopath
  4. The only thing I watch on tv is food network, and yet I'm a truly awful cook
    The last time I made noodles it all stuck to the bottom of the pan in one solid chunk. I ate it anyway
  5. Plums make my mouth itch
  6. This is not the first time I've made a list of facts about myself
    Not sure if that makes me a narcissist...actually I am sure. It definitely does