THINGS YOU DO WHILE UNEMPLOYED AND LIVING AT HOME

  1. Wake up at 10 am
    Or 11...or 12
  2. Go to the movies by yourself
    And get teary at Melissa McCarthy's newfound empowerment at the end of Spy
  3. Get an overpriced hair cut because self care is not optional
  4. Wander Toys R Us aimlessly in the middle of the day
  5. Consider buying a microphone while wandering Toys R Us aimlessly in the middle of the day
    To help metaphorically find your voice
  6. Watch 5 old episodes of The Daily Show
    Wonder if Jon Stewart's upcoming unemployment will be similar to yours in any way
  7. Receive text messages from various acquaintances suggesting jobs to you that are significantly below your education level
    Try to remember that they mean well when they tell you there are job openings at Petco
  8. Have dinner with your grandma at the Jewish Deli
    Nod along when she suggests making sure there are no typos in my resume because employers hate that