1. Whoever put the "d" in Wednesday
  2. Whoever put the first "r" in February
  3. Whoever named the grapefruit
    It neither looks nor tastes like a grape
  4. My high school AP Literature teacher for telling me (an aspiring author) that I have no style or voice in my writing
    And my college professors have told me my writing is great so BYE FELICIA
  5. Whoever authorized the 8am fire drill in my dorm this morning
  6. Parents who allow their elementary school aged children to have cell phones
  7. The clerk at the jewelry store who saw me and said, "How soon are you planning to get engaged, exactly? You look a little young." when I was looking at engagement rings
    Excuse YOU madam! My boyfriend is going to pay you thousands of dollars for a sparkly rock, so you may keep your comments to yourself.
  8. The entire pornography industry
    We'll start with degrading women and polluting impressionable minds, and go from there.
  9. Whoever allowed Adam Levine to shave his head