MR. WILLAKER'S CURMUDGEONLY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

That he has managed to keep, thank you very much!
  1. See less family.
    Those pestering little nephews are always making such a ruckus
  2. Stop buying cheese at the local dairy
    If they think I won't drive ten minutes out of my way to the supermarket to avoid those price increases, they have another thing coming
  3. Petition local government about banning excessive holiday decor
    It's a traffic hazard. All those green and red lights! Harrumph!
  4. Seal windowsills against sounds of children's laughter at nearby park/ fresh air
    Why they insist on having TWO jungle gyms is beyond me
  5. Cancel subscription to AARP Magazine
    Why should I care about Harrison Ford?
  6. Eat more fiber