1. "I should be sending you home with a box of condoms."
    A woman came in and she had just had a baby a few months before her eye exam and the patient mentioned that she was pregnant again. The doctor asked, "Werent you just pregnant?" She said, "yes, but im pregnant again". The doctor said, "okay then see you in a few months and I should be sending you home with a box of condoms."
  2. "Your retina looks like a tank ran over it."
    A patient was concerned why her vision was so blurred. After multiple laser treatments on her retina and diabetic eye disease, he finally told her the reason why her vision was blurry.
  3. "You should be seeing your therapist, not the eye doctor."
    'Nuff said.
  4. "The next time you come in, think of me as a genie. You only get three questions and we're done.
    A patient kept asking questions even the same ones over again. So he told this to the patient.
  5. "I only do that for my mentally ill patients."
    His response when a patient asked if he does general anesthesia for a procedure that he does not usually use it for.
  6. "You"ll get my suck it up speech. It goes like this... 'suck it up'"."
    When a patient was afraid of getting a procedure done.
  7. "You look like a hermit hacker. Are you on INTERPOL?"
    Said to a patient with a scruffy beard.
  8. "Its good to have a demographic that doesn't make you feel out of shape."
    His thoughts on a patient joining a senior fitness program.
  9. "How is your vision after I clipped your wings?"
    Said to a patient after he had excess skin removed from his eyelids.
  10. "No, thats just your psychosis."
    The response when the patient asked "are the shimmering lights in my vision normal after surgery?"