Reasons I Don't Feel Like Attending my 25th High School Reunion Dinner Later Tonight

In no particular order, these are the reasons why I am strongly considering not going to this allegedly fun dinner this evening. The only reason I am considering going is that @tweedledee says it will make for a great list tomorrow.
  1. 1.
    First and foremost, I've run completely out of f*cks, and I keep forgetting to replenish my stash.
  2. 2.
    Mediocre Restaurant
    There are several good restaurants in this town. Several. So naturally, this group has chosen a restaurant that peaked in 1991. Oh. Oh I see what they did there.
  3. 3.
    Small Talk
    Again with the f*cks I don't have. The age of Facebook has gotten me in touch with everyone I wanted to be in touch with from high school, and none of those people will be at this dinner. I'm 100% not interested in hearing about the various marriages, children, and calamities that have happened in the lives of people that I have never, ever hung out with outside of a required p.e. Class in 1989.
  4. 4.
    Drunk People
    I drank professionally for the better part of the last 20 years, so it's really painful to watch amateurs try to participate in something that I hold a PhD in. By the third drink, they'll start getting goofy and asking me why I'm not drinking or dancing or start telling me how little they actually drink, really.
  5. 5.
    To be honest, there's a two-hour Dateline Mystery and a 48 Hours Mystery episode on tonight.
  6. 6.
    Prince is still dead.
    This will be my official excuse - that I am still having a difficult time having fun in a world without Prince Rogers Nelson around. It really is true. I'm having a difficult time with him being gone. I'm better off staying home tonight.
  7. 7.
    The heat.
    It is 356 degrees in the sun today, which means I can't wear the sequined jumpsuit I'd picked out. Fck it. I'm staying home.