Things I Was Able to Accomplish While Actively Drinking

I used to drink, early and often. I drank from about age 18 until age 40. I was terrible at it, and really good at it, depending on your perspective. Here are some things that I was able to do during those years, in random order.
  1. Bitching
    Everything was awful and was rarely to my liking, which was important because the world revolved around me.
  2. Moaning
    I had a negative outlook about everything and everyone. It wasn't cute.
  3. Being Angry with Everyone
    Always pissed about some wrong that had been done to me. Everyone was out to get me. Was legit baffled during my 20s that no one was begging my hand in marriage. I HAD SO MUCH TO OFFER.
  4. Vomiting
    I didn't throw up often, but when I did, I went H.A.M. Date's cars, in pitchers of beer at the bowling alley, in bathtubs (while I was bathing), etc.
  5. Losing things
    Phones, money, important paperwork, shoes (just one, never the pair), and lots of dignity. I would not realize I'd lost that until well into my sobriety, which I will cover in my next list.
  6. Functioning as a human being
    On the outside, everything looked perfect to you if you weren't a drunk like me. I only exposed that me to other people who were drinking. I exercised, my hair and makeup were always done, I had jobs, I had cars, and no arrest record. My kids were dressed and at school and made good grades. I went to church. Ran an entire household! All smoke and mirrors. I was a good secret keeper.