All day long, I dreamed of this magical time, when all of my work is finished for the week and my chores are done. I have looked forward to relaxing with my iPad on the porch since six o'clock this morning. My neighbor has other plans for this Friday night. Here's how it's gone for the last hour:
  1. Used a really LOUD edger.
    I appreciate that he keeps his yard looking ON FLEEK but the blades of the edger keep scraping the sidewalk and it's worse than nails on a chalkboard.
  2. Had a REALLY LOUD CONVERSATION with his wife.
    They are Vietnamese, so I cannot eavesdrop. This is the real source of my irritation - if you're going to have a loud spat, please make sure I know what you're saying. I'm nosy and don't know Vietnamese. (I hope Vietnamese is a language? I'm not even sure)
  3. Started and restarted the lawnmower no less than sixty times.
    After the 50th, I muttered my standard, " This motherfcker".
  4. Mowed the grass, finally.
    Again, I appreciate his time and effort, but the noise. This has to be the end though, right?
  5. Tried to start the blower.
    Once again, his shit is faulty, and now half the neighborhood is involved - each man taking a turn at starting the blower that DOESNT EFFING WORK OMG.
  6. Finally, almost like they've been pranking me this whole time, someone figures out what is wrong.
  7. The blower is out of gas.
    Drops mic. This motherfcker.