BEST ADVICE I’VE EVER RECEIVED

From a tiny tot, to this thing that I've come to know as 'the adult life.'
  1. Don't swallow gum... Always wash your hands.
  2. Don't spit gum out on the sidewalk...
  3. College is necessary... I disagree again! That doesn't apply to everyone. Each one of us is unique in our own way... Not all of us, especially the creative type are meant for grueling hours of homework and papers. I regret going to college and getting that ph.d. My passion was designing... It still is and so that's what I'm doing now...
  4. Stay a virgin until you marry... I'm torn between this one...
  5. Don't argue with a fool... True. I agree.
  6. Follow your heart and not your brain, when it comes to love and matters of the heart and soul. To me, when battling your conscious, it's like your heart and mind are playing the game 'rock, paper, scissors.' You can struggle with your mind all you want, eventually the heart will say 'F-U' to your mind's so-called 'sane advice.' That doesn't fly.
  7. 'Never share your feelings'... So not true... Always say what's on your mind before it's too late. If you love someone, or still have feelings for them, then you better speak on it and be at peace because if you don't, you'll never forgive yourself...
  8. 'Don't cry'... I disagree. Crying releases pain, frustration and whatever's trapped in that heart, mind and soul of yours. Cry, get down right snotty, play sad love songs, drink wine and have that nasty crying jag because you'll feel better if you do. If you don't, you'll be miserable.
  9. Never fall asleep angry.
  10. Count your blessings...
  11. Things aren't as bad as they seem, but are funnier than they appear.
  12. Don't entertain yourself with your pre-made MP3 player at relative's funeral to drown out your sorrow and the preacher, as he gets the Holy Ghost on stage and dances. Trust me, just don't do it. Oh and do pretend that you're crying violently, when infact, you're really laughing violently because the woman/man who's singing at funeral is killing it!
  13. Invest at an early age.
  14. Shower twice a day.
  15. That silk sheets can break body parts when you dive in your bed in silk pajamas, as if you're on a slip and slide at a water park...
  16. Don't get mad at your 62+ father and make the Chewbakkah Wookie noise/growl at him in the dark night, as he's going outside to his car to get his briefcase. That's how heart attacks and accidents happen folks... My little sister has a habit of scaring my parents like this... Men can scream...
  17. Don't hesitate to refuse a second helping of bad cooking. Be prepared to scream and run like hell, but if you can't refuse the bad cooking, don't give it to your dog or the neighbor's dog! Why? Well because even dogs know when something is gross.
  18. Don't burry your face in your sister's Cinderella cake, when she's turning three, take a big chunk out of it and steal her thunder! Why? Well because she'll have a damn near seizure, spazz out and attempt to strangle her 11 month old sister. Yeap, I buried my face in my sisters bday cake!
  19. Do hide your dolls, teddy bears, action figures and Transformer's toys after pissing your sister off... Why? She'll find a toy that you love and rip it's head off. My sister murdered my beloved Japanese stuffed animal after I killed her bday cake. I still haven't forgot that... Revenge is still on my mind and in my heart...
  20. Never give a guy your real name when you're at the club, and if you do, you better write down the time, their name, the fake name that you used, the date and photograph his face because you may run into him one day and it can get awkward. I got this one from my 'younger sister'...
  21. Always say, "no thank you" - very loudly, mind you, when a guy is flirting with you... He will get it. 😂
  22. Always say thank you... That depends... 😂
  23. Feed the neighborhood raccoons gourmet trail mix from Trader Joes, like my father does because you want them to like you and not attack....
  24. Always forgive. Always.
  25. Ice cream is better when it's cold.
  26. Make a point to smell appetizing, bathe at least once a day, wear deodorant and brush your teeth.
  27. Sleep in at least six times a month...
  28. Dance in the rain, but not if there's thunder.
  29. Be a good cook for your man, a filthy, uninhibited whore in the bedroom and a hostess among his company and friends...
  30. Love your enemy, but never take your eyes off them. Always keep tabs...
  31. Say your prayers.
  32. Try to watch the sunrise at least a few times in your life, before your final sun sets.
  33. Re-do the upside down Spider-Man kissing scene just because you can.
  34. Learn to do a proper chair dance, pole dance and strip tease for your man...
  35. Never say never...
  36. Don't dare yourself over and over to eat a half gallon of ice cream, just because you know that you can and have a freakishly high metabolism and an 22 inch waist... (I must stop doing this.)
  37. If a family member owns or has somehow come to own an embarrassing photo of you, steal it back! It doesn't matter if it's your grandma or whatever! If you must rip the page from the photo album, then do it!
  38. Go into your high school's library and ask to see the archived year book? Why? So you can X out/sharpie your class and club pictures, just in case you ever make celeb status. Yeap, I really did this.
  39. CYA. BYOB. BYOM.
  40. Fly around the world at least once!
  41. Wash your hands.
  42. Groom regularly.
  43. Take care of your body.
  44. Never refuse epidural if and when I ever get pregnant because a woman in labor is emotionally lethal, and says really awful things to the father, do to her pelvic bones being fractured during labor... (A result of pain and of anger of child birth. I learned this one from friends who have had kids)...
  45. Get your flu shot.
  46. Take vitamins.
  47. Carry Kleenex.
  48. Bundle up in cold weather.
  49. Don't smoke or do drugs at all...
  50. Say thank you.
  51. Be polite and kind to others.
  52. Don't do the California rolling stop...
  53. Use your own clean bathroom before you leave the house... I agree because I have ocd when it comes to using public bathrooms...