8 Ways it Was Abuse and Not Love
In 2014 I ran away from an emotionally abusive situation. It wasn't until I left, found safety, and sat down with a counselor (who handed me resources for battered women) that I realized what had happened. Over the last two years I've regained my identity and with the #maybehedoesnthityou I've begun the process of healing. You're not alone.
- •No one will believe you.Within the first day of running away I lost dozens of friends. While I miss them, my life did not end.
- •It's all in your head, clearly you're a bad partner.Countless times, for months on end, I convinced myself I was an asshole, that I needed to be more understanding.
- •Constant, non-stop, communication is cute; he really misses me.At first the all day every day, from sun up to sundown, communication was cute and sweet. Then I got in huge trouble for not responding quickly. Who was I talking to if not him? Eventually, over communication became dark, a way to keep tabs on me, and emotionally drained me.
- •No one can have you, even family.When your significant other gives you a speech on how you're not committed enough to your relationship because you are having a 5 min text convo with your best friend about your nephews birthday party, and then berates you over your phone calls to your mother - something is wrong.
- •Covert communication - the silent strangler.He did it the first time we dated, expecting anything else was silly. Eventually, friends and family reached out asking if I was ok, they had received emails from him saying I had become erratic. This was a clear tactic of shutting my support network off.
- •Sleep.Slowly I stopped sleeping, because he wouldn't let me. It was another way to control me. Waking me up in the middle of the night, forcing me to have conversations as I tried to fall asleep, setting alarms for early hours that he didn't need. Once I left I slept almost 12 hrs my first night alone.
- •Never good enough.I would be prettier if... I would be skinnier if... Wearing heels made him feel... Why would I wear that to work, whom am I flirting with... It came to a point where I wasn't sure what I looked good in and nothing I did was enough.
- •Help me help you.If anyone else, on the rare times he'd let someone come over, saw how little he did around the house and commented, I'd get a lecture on why don't I ask for help!? Yet, when I asked for help with tasks he'd tune me out or become irate over how I nagged him.