TEN ITEMS AROUND SPIEGLER'S HOUSE

Spiegler (my best friend/porn agent) had back surgery last week. He's home from the hospital, and I'm staying with him as his 24/7 caretaker until he's up and walking. These are random items around his house.
  1. Chick Fil A Sandwich from Yesterday
    He won't let me throw it away, or put it in the fridge.
  2. Disgusting TShirts
    Today, when we were waiting for the physical therapist.... Spiegler: "I don't want to scare her, I need to wear my least offensive shirt." Me: "That's very thoughtful." Spiegler: "Grab me the one that says 'BANGBROS' across the front."
  3. Awards
    There are trophies lying around everywhere. They belong to girls who are too lazy to pick them up. The gold one to the far right is mine.
  4. Baseball Bat by the Door
    Because representing 25 whores can get out of hand.
  5. Snow Globe Featuring Us
    I got this for his birthday one year. You can't see it here, but it's inscribed "For my Pimp, Spiegler."
  6. Original Artwork
    I own a few pieces myself, they are hanging in my dressing area at home.
  7. Dana DeArmond Pen
    This fancy limited edition pen features world famous pornstar Dana DeArmond in her favorite red dress. Turn the pen upside down for a naked surprise! I used it today to calculate what percent 20/1200 was, for my WRITING A BOOK IS list.
  8. Galley Copy of my First Book, INSATIABLE
    The bookmark is a receipt for $76.06 from Michael's Burgers.
  9. United States Postal Office Mail Bins
    I feel like he shouldn't even have these. There are two of them, full of (seemingly) random papers and envelopes. I once asked him if there was any order to the documents... He answered, "Yah. The old ones are at the bottom, the new ones are at the top."
  10. Original Pricasso
    A painter who goes by "Pricasso" sent this to us. It's painted using solely the artist's penis. We try not to touch it too much.