WHY HALLOWEEN IS MY LEAST FAVORITE HOLIDAY
- •Being scared is not fun.Some people think it is. I am not one of those people. I went to a Horror Night thing at Universal once and left after ten minutes.
- •I hate candy.Candy is the lowest form of human food. Aside from being completely void of necessary nutrients, its calorie-to-satisfaction ratio is a joke; I've never once satiated my hunger with candy.
- •It's dangerous.If I were a criminal, I'd love Halloween. Just throw on a mask, kill someone, run away, suffer no consequences because you (and everyone else) are (justifiably!) in disguise.
- •"TreeHouse of Horror"s are the weakest Simpsons episodes.I realize this is the most controversial item on this list. But there it is.
- •Everyone expects you to participate.Because it's not specific to any religion or nationality, there is no excuse to opt out - and so when one does, one is deemed a killjoy.
- •Dressing like a slut is my job.I already did it every day this year.