WHY HALLOWEEN IS MY LEAST FAVORITE HOLIDAY

  1. Being scared is not fun.
    Some people think it is. I am not one of those people. I went to a Horror Night thing at Universal once and left after ten minutes.
  2. I hate candy.
    Candy is the lowest form of human food. Aside from being completely void of necessary nutrients, its calorie-to-satisfaction ratio is a joke; I've never once satiated my hunger with candy.
  3. It's dangerous.
    If I were a criminal, I'd love Halloween. Just throw on a mask, kill someone, run away, suffer no consequences because you (and everyone else) are (justifiably!) in disguise.
  4. "TreeHouse of Horror"s are the weakest Simpsons episodes.
    I realize this is the most controversial item on this list. But there it is.
  5. Everyone expects you to participate.
    Because it's not specific to any religion or nationality, there is no excuse to opt out - and so when one does, one is deemed a killjoy.
  6. Dressing like a slut is my job.
    I already did it every day this year.