ABE CHABON'S DREAM BIRTHDAY DINNER TO BE CREATED BY HIS FATHER WITH A TINY AMOUNT OF HELP FROM ME

Abe is turning 12 and has made a series of very specific culinary demands
  1. Pasta carbonara
    Gee, thanks Abe. Literally everything in this dish is 1. My favorite and 2. Strictly forbidden on my anti-inflammatory diet. Maybe I'll just bathe in the sauce rather than eat it.
  2. "Tangy" salad
    Baby gems and lemons.
  3. A CAKE MIX cake
    Though I can't cook I'm actually not the worst baker. And yet my children only like Dunkin Hines. Go figure. I can force my scratch whoopie pies down their throats but that about it.