1. Even if it makes some people hate me.
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    Long ago I wrote an essay in which I said I love my husband more than my kids. It's still true. We've been married for 21 years and I am crazy in love with him. Back then lots of people hated me, called me a bad mother. That may be true. What's also true is that being married for a long time is a fuck of a lot of work, and I don't see how it can be managed without prioritizing your marriage over all else. Not ALL the time, but enough of the time.