REASONS I AM HAVING A HARD TIME JUST GETTING MY FUCKING WORK DONE

  1. Tone
    I can't figure out the tone either of my novel or of this pilot script I'm writing. Tone is like the D on the gear shift. Once you've got it right, you can zoom forward. Without it you're just grinding your gears.
  2. Self-Loathing
    This gets in the way of fucking everything.
  3. Competitiveness
    This is so closely tangled with self-loathing it's hard to tell them apart.
  4. The Internet
    If all I could do other than work was read or work out I'd write a book every six months.
  5. Despair about the publishing business.
    I'm a midlist writer. Every so often I pop on to the NY Times best seller list, but generally I sell a somewhat respectable number of books. Enough up until now to get decent contracts from editors I like and to make a decent enough living. But I fear the world of midlist fiction is coming to an end and I'm terrified.
  6. The Internet
    So bad I had to say it twice.
  7. A creeping feeling that I know what I really want to be doing.
    Don't get me wrong. Fiction writing can be incredibly exciting and satisfying when it's going well. But I am an extrovert. I love collaboration. And I was never happier than on the set of a show I created. I was in fucking heaven. But. But but but. I live in Berkeley so I can't staff a show. (Also I'm bossy.) And I've yet to have a pilot make it on the air. Every work session thus turns into an existential crisis.
  8. List App.
    Christ. FUCK. I swore to Michael I'd get my 1000 words in even day. And what am I doing instead? Making a fucking list.