THERAPIES I'VE TRIED TO CURE MY FROZEN SHOULDER

Out of the blue, my shoulder started hurting like hell. This is what I've tried in search of a remedy.
  1. Swearing.
    To be fair, I do this a lot anyway.
  2. Cortisone shots
    I went to a doctor whose name I can remember but whom I refer to as "the tiny, gorgeous one," as in Receptionist: "Which doctor is your appointment with?" Me: "The tiny, gorgeous one." The shots didn't work. But he's very gorgeous.
  3. Active Release Technique
    Otherwise known as a chiropractor brutalizes you as you scream in pain.
  4. Trigger point therapy
  5. Massage therapy
    All very nice but doesn't do shit.
  6. Neil Asher Technique
    More chiropractic bullshit.
  7. Alexander Technique
    Great for basic stuff. Not this.
  8. Feldenkreis
    Or however the fuck that's spelled.
  9. Advil and other NSAIs
    Nada
  10. Tramadol
    Amazing if you don't mind being flat on your ass, with tongue lolling.
  11. Codeine
    Because who needs to poop?
  12. Acupuncture.
    This is actually sort of working.
  13. Visceral manipulation.
    Ew
  14. And finally, the only thing that's really helped, WEED.
    God bless the person who invented high CBD cannabis.