THINGS I NEVER EXPECTED TO SAY TO MY KIDS.
Do me a favor, don't call Child Protective Services.
- •"Give me your vaporizer. You're grounded."
- •"Keep it up and I'll cut your hair while you're sleeping." (Said ostensibly in jest)
- •"No masturbating until you finish your homework."
- •"No putting pine cones in your panties!"
- •"We do not pee into the heating register."
- •"That's a vibrator and, no you can't play with it."
- •"Can someone please load Mommy'd Pax?"