THINGS MY CHILDREN COULD DO THAT WOULD BE UNFORGIVABLE

I would forgive my children anything. Almost.
  1. Voting Republican
    I'm not actually worried about this since it appears to be genetic and we've given them a double dose of the good stuff. http://nyti.ms/1NRf66j
  2. Working for Gawker
    Every once in a while Jezebel produces a decent writer, but that loathsome place is pretty much what's worst about the Internet distilled to an excrescence.
  3. Become religious Jews and move to settlements in the West Bank
    My father used to say he'd sit shiva for us if we became ba'aleh tshuvah. I'm with him.