THINGS THAT ARE SO MUCH WORSE THAN I EVER IMAGINED

Thanks @lenadunham for this list idea, which so perfectly matches my mood.
  1. Sitting in your kid's principal's office
    So many emotions. Shame, humiliation, a deep sense of failure. All complicated by a protective urge that makes you want to grab your baby and run. And then there's anger at the kid who did WHAT???
  2. Internet hate
    This hurts every bit as much as @lenadunham says it does. Part of you rises above, laughs it off. But then the little self-hating toxic voice feeds on this kind of thing. This is why I never ever google myself.
  3. Abortion due to genetic abnormalities
    I am adamantly, even furiously pro-choice. I'd had an abortion before this happened and felt maybe the tiniest bit of regret but mostly a shit ton of relief. And yet this experience laid waste to me. I felt like I'd murdered my child. The good news is that the misery does pass and eventually this experience faded to something sad but not crippling.
  4. Aches and pains past 40
    I've always been pretty healthy and have tons of energy. I guess I figured that I'd chug on happy and healthy until I keeled over at age 97. I didn't expect knees to ache and weird shit like frozen shoulder.
  5. Morning sickness
    What. The. Fuck????
  6. Having a script you love get dumped
    I'm a grown up. And a professional. I've written a dozen books. I've gotten great reviews and pans and have been pretty much sanguine about it all. But when Michael (my husband) and I wrote a script (actually 2) for HBO for a series called Hobgoblin, I fell so totally in love with the project that it broke my heart when they passed on it.
  7. Alzheimers
    My dad. I don't have anything profound to say about this other than that it's lunacy that we work so hard to keep our bodies alive long after our brains.