TIPS FOR PARENTING TEENS

Because @ChrisK is making me.
  1. The single most important thing is Harm Reduction
    You can't protect your kids from making bad choices. That's how we become adults. We fuck up. But you can teach your kids to protect themselves from potentially fatal choices. Technology help us here. Some examples. Uber instead of driving. Smoke weed instead of drinking (they're going to do one or the other. Just deal with it.) if you use club drugs YOU MUST TEST THEM w/ a test kit.
  2. Every kid should have an adult who is not her parent from whom she can get confidential advice.
  3. Try to ignore tone. Forget about "being respected."
    I suck at this. I despise being talked down to.
  4. Buy condoms and put them in the bathroom where they are easily accessible. Come to think of it, throw a few club drug test kits there, too.
    This is really part of number one.
  5. They are most open and chatty late at night. Hang out with them then.
    This is hard for me, because I like to be in bed watching TV and reading by about 9. But they really do come alive.
  6. Texting is a great way to have tone-neutral conversations.
  7. Travel with them.
    We've had our best family times while traveling. Everyone is out of his/her comfort zone and thus super receptive.
  8. Teens are absolute shit-detectors. Don't lie to them.
    You don't have to tell them everything. You are entitled to say, "I don't feel comfortable discussing that with you." But don't be a fucking hypocrite.