WAYS THE CODEPENDENT SURVIVE WHEN THEIR PARTNERS ARE OUT OF TOWN FOR THREE WEEKS AND A DAY

  1. Start watching bad TV at 8.
    The bottom of the barrel has now been scraped so utterly clean. I need something new and it's only been a week.
  2. Read an entire novel in a night.
    Lauren Graff's newest. Out in the fall, I think. Absolutely fucking great.
  3. Cook one elaborate meal.
    I am a terrible cook and rarely if ever make dinner, but at least once while @vanzorn is gone I like to prove to the kids that I'm not utterly useless in the kitchen. This time it was chicken under a brick. It was great.
  4. Order in from every high-end chef delivery service.
    I've tried them all. Standard Fare is by far the best. But you have to pay a $40 for the pot if you forget to return it.
  5. Fail to shower for 3 days in order to earn a bath.
    Fucking drought.
  6. Have an existential crisis.
    Actual text I sent him: "I want to ask you right now. With no bullshit. Am I a decent writer? Should I continue? Or is it time to think about spending my life doing something else. Like good works or something?" Poor guy is in a studio in the woods trying to focus on his book and he's having to deal with this shit.
  7. Sit very quietly next to the dog and wait for her to fall asleep.
    She's making this weird, annoying clicking sound in the back of her throat and I want to record it and send it to him because maybe she's sick or something.
  8. Stick to your intolerably ascetic inflammation diet all day and then eat an entire bowl of popcorn with 1/3 of a cup of butter dumped on it.
    I blame Abe. It was his idea.