How to Avoid Being Abducted by Penguins

Abducted by Penguins would make a great band name.
  1. Never smell like fish
  2. Don't wear a tuxedo
  3. When in Antarctica, never travel alone
  4. If you are ever cornered by a gang of penguins, sing YMCA by the Village people. Penguins love this song and can't help making the letters with their stubby wings. This will exhaust them. They will all fall asleep and forget that they ever wanted you in the first place.
  5. Avoid zoos
  6. If you are ever being dragged out of your sleep by penguins, mention that the bed needs to be made. Penguins will drop you to straighten the covers. This is when you RUN!
  7. Know your enemy