❌❌❌ 99 Curses for the Modern Age

Inspired by @Lindi list: https://li.st/l/0yVc8HWb4uY5iZqGH5ZoAE . For the record I wish none of these upon any of you. Except one of you - you know who you are. EDIT and I had tagged people who were the inspiration but then deleted them so nobody was left out but somehow they got alerted so sorry about that? πŸ™ŠΒ―\_(ツ)_/Β―
  1. 1.
    May you be unable to connect to WiFi.
  2. 2.
    May your Uber smell like a dirty diaper filled with Indian food.
  3. 3.
    May your iPhone shut off at 45% battery.
  4. 4.
    May your Twitter feed be filled with ads.
  5. 5.
    May your emails show always unread.
    Getting closer people! @alligeeshow πŸ˜„
  6. 6.
    May the wind be always in your face, and someone taking a selfie be always in your way.
  7. 7.
    May your list get 1,000 Suggestions and 1 Like.
  8. 8.
    May your Google search history be sent to your family.
  9. 9.
    May your food delivery never arrive.
  10. 10.
    May your car backup camera stop working.
  11. 11.
    May your friends always want to split the check and then never have cash.
  12. 12.
    May the buzzer for your apartment ring in someone else's.
  13. 13.
    May the Whole Foods never have your favorite produce.
  14. 14.
    May your assigned parking spot be always taken.
  15. 15.
    May your shower have only cold water.
  16. 16.
    May your selfie stick burst in to flames.
  17. 17.
    May your train always be late.
  18. 18.
    May your List App secret Santa gift get lost in the mail.
    Too harsh??
  19. 19.
    May your mother friend all of your Facebook friends.
  20. 20.
    May your Instagram feed be only pictures of political yard signs of the candidate you dislike the most.
  21. 21.
    May your flight be always delayed.
  22. 22.
    May your Amazon Prime deliveries always be 2 days. Late.
  23. 23.
    May the x on your AutoCorrect be too small to touch.
  24. 24.
    May your Netflix disconnect with 3 minutes to go.
  25. 25.
    May your iTunes be suddenly populated with only an unwanted U2 album.
  26. 26.
    May all your digital photos have unfixable red eye.
  27. 27.
    May your Tinder be only ugly hairy dudes.
  28. 28.
    May your tax returns be always audited.
  29. 29.
    May all your Apps crash.
  30. 30.
    May you only be able to receive calls from solicitors.
  31. 31.
    May all your recorded shows be deleted before you watch them.
  32. 32.
    May all your iTunes songs disappear.
  33. 33.
    May all your Twitter followers suddenly unfollow you at once.
  34. 34.
    May you never receive a comment or like on any pictures you post to Facebook.
  35. 35.
    May you always be late to your casting call.
  36. 36.
    May you wake up two hours earlier than the time your alarm is set for and be unable to go back to sleep.
  37. 37.
    May you step on a Lego piece while barefoot.
  38. 38.
    May your iPhone only ring once, no matter what you do to fix it.
  39. 39.
    May your List App comments always be mistaken as negative.
  40. 40.
    May your incoming incoming calls always turn on your screen camera.
  41. 41.
    May you never find a Vegan alternative lunch option.
  42. 42.
    May your yoga class be full of hot guys.
  43. 43.
    May your yoga class be full of really ugly women.
  44. 44.
    May all your List App drafts disappear.
  45. 45.
    May your your selfies add 15 pounds to your face.
  46. 46.
    May your iPhone keyboard shrink to half its current size.
  47. 47.
    May your list request be used as inspiration by a List App OG to low-key accuse you of being a hacker.
  48. 48.
    May your Spotify only play Yoko Ono.
  49. 49.
    May your Apple Watch burn your wrist.
  50. 50.
    May your headphone cords be forever tangled.
  51. 51.
    May your favorite band break up.
  52. 52.
    May you never get a list request.
  53. 53.
    May your FitBit not count every third step you take.
  54. 54.
    May you be only able to text via emoji.
  55. 55.
    May your list requests go unfulfilled.
  56. 56.
    May you be unable to find your keys, and when you do, may they be covered in bacon grease.
  57. 57.
    May your favorite show suddenly be only available in Canada.
  58. 58.
    May BJ Novak never ❀️ one of your lists.
  59. 59.
    May your house plants begin to smell like vomit.
  60. 60.
    May your bathroom mirror make you look 20 lbs heavier than you are.
  61. 61.
    May you forget every episode of The Office you've ever seen.
  62. 62.
    May your TV remote disappear forever.
  63. 63.
    May your dishwasher stop working.
  64. 64.
    May you find BeyoncΓ© unattractive.
  65. 65.
    May your abbreviations always be misunderstood.
  66. 66.
    May your blog entries be erased.
  67. 67.
    May your flights be filled with farting passengers.
  68. 68.
    May your favorite ballpark be torn down for a new, modern version.
  69. 69.
    May your favorite podcast be cancelled.
  70. 70.
    May your children's movies start with 20 minutes of un-skippable previews.
  71. 71.
    May you find Adele's music unappealing.
  72. 72.
    May you have ideas for great lists and then forget them before getting them in to drafts.
  73. 73.
    May your car refuse to play music from your phone via Bluetooth or auxiliary cable.
  74. 74.
    May you bump into the entire group One Direction but not realize it until after they're gone.
  75. 75.
    May your conference call mute button never actually mute your line.
  76. 76.
    May blinking red lights turn solid red just for you.
  77. 77.
    May all your favorite t-shirts shrink in he wash to an unwearable size.
  78. 78.
    May your Keurig stop working after an all-nighter.
  79. 79.
    May you always find an empty toilet paper roll after finishing on the throne.
  80. 80.
    May all your Webex sessions turn on your webcam without you knowing.
  81. 81.
    May Starbucks refuse you service.
  82. 82.
    May your deodorant smell lovely to you, but awful to others.
  83. 83.
    May your sunglasses fail to block the sun, especially UV light.
  84. 84.
    May all GPS apps take you to the wrong location.
  85. 85.
    May you always be the last person to pull up to the 4-way stop.
  86. 86.
    May your favorite fast food chain close.
  87. 87.
    May all the overhead bins on all your flights be too full for your carry-on.
  88. 88.
    May the line for the bathroom be longer than you can hold your bladder.
  89. 89.
    May all your left turn arrows be red.
  90. 90.
    May you lose your iPhone power cord.
  91. 91.
    May all your public toilet seats be warm.
  92. 92.
    May your dinner reservations be lost.
  93. 93.
    May your backpack straps break.
  94. 94.
    May none of your AA batteries work.
  95. 95.
    May all your texts be replied to with only "K."
  96. 96.
    May the movie you're going to see have started 15 minutes before you sat down.
  97. 97.
    May all your Google searches yield 0 results.
  98. 98.
    May you forget your AppleID password and have to create a new profile.
  99. 99.
    May you never have any of these curses be placed upon you!!!