Abilities I Do Not (Currently) Possess ☀️📂

  1. The ability to nonchalantly ignore a deadline.
  2. The ability to play a musical instrument.
  3. The ability to put my backpack in the overhead bin on a full flight, knowing that I can put it under the seat in front of me and save room for someone else's baggage.
  4. The ability to focus for an entire 1 hour conference call without browsing the web (or listing).
  5. The ability to not get anxious when I can tell we are not going to leave the house in time.
  6. The ability to watch reality TV.
  7. The ability to sleep on a plane (without worrying about another "incident").
  8. The ability to care deeply about "Hamilton."
  9. The ability to ignore a ringing phone.
  10. The ability to understand how my wife can be cold when the thermostat is set to 76 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!!!
  11. The ability to water ski.
  12. The ability to understand the lyrics of "Louie, Louie."
  13. The ability to suppress my need to use TV/movie quotes whenever I possibly can.
  14. The ability to speak a second language.
  15. The ability to do what is best for me in a social/public setting, to the detriment or discomfort of those around me.
    I'm looking at you, man with the bare feet behind me and you, woman with the small dogs (yes, two) that I watched bring on this plane and I hear whining somewhere behind me.