All of Seinfeld's Girlfriends, Ranked

This is subjective (duh) and based on a few factors, like: level of attractiveness, reason Jerry stopped dating her, and whether I would want to date her (if I were Jerry in this Utopian scenario). Jerry was quite the prolific dater. πŸ’ is the scale of marriage-worthiness.
  1. 64.
    Laura - The Seinfeld Chronicles
    YOU'RE ENGAGED! No, I won't go on a 4-hour boat tour of Manhattan with you!!!🚫
  2. 63.
    Angela - Season 3, The Good Samaritan
    High on the πŸ¦‡πŸ’©-crazy scale. Would likely be wild AF in the bedroom. I'd be curious where one date would go, and I'd actually like her to call me "cuss face." 😊
  3. 62.
    Sandra - Season 4, The Cheever Letters
    Can't take some whispered sexy-talk after starting it? GTFO
  4. 61.
    Gennice - Season 6, The Understudy
    Crying over a hot dog?!?!!!!?!! You and the mom jeans can hit the bricks, sweetheart.
  5. 60.
    Lisi - Season 9, The Frogger
    Crrrrrrrrrrazy! Not interested in wearing Amish hats with you, dear - buh-bye. I'll risk it with the Lopper.
  6. 59.
    Naomi - Season 4, The Bubble Boy
    That laugh is a deal breaker. Do not want.
  7. 58.
    Sophie - Season 9, The Burning
    The tractor story - what an idiot. Not really doing it for me looks-wise either; pass.
  8. 57.
    Sandi - Season 4, The Pilot
    More πŸ¦‡πŸ’©-crazy, not even close to the right amount of Elaine.
  9. 56.
    Katya - Season 6, The Gymnast
    Annoying-as-hell gymnast, I have no interest in that hair, accent, or increased flexibility. #SorryNotSorry
  10. 55.
    Marla - Season 4, The Virgin & The Contest
    The Virgin who gave it up for John-John. She works in closets and has a British accent, but even after dropping the V-card she has no experience. Pass.
  11. 54.
    Shelly - Season 6, The Doodle
    Don't like her hair. Β―\_(ツ)_/Β―
  12. 53.
    Gina - Season 3, The Suicide
    A little older, the accent is hot but her choice in men (Marteeen?) is suspect and I'm not digging her look. Pass.
  13. 52.
    Nina Stengel - Season 9, The Betrayel
    She's cute but having been with George and Jerry there's too many complications I'm gonna have to move along.
  14. 51.
    Donna Chang - Season 6, The Chinese Woman
    Just your average white chick trying to pass off as a wise Asian woman - natch. Thanks but no thanks.
  15. 50.
    Cindy - Season 9, The Maid
    From Maid To Order - it's a pun. Can clean my house any time, but not sure the "extras" are for me since she could be giving the same services to other clients....
  16. 49.
    Gwen - Season 9, The Strike/Festivus
    A two-face, and they're both bad.
  17. 48.
    Gail - Season 4, The Shoes
    A chef with a weird fixation on Elaine's shoes - those cancel out and I'm left with looks, which are meh.
  18. 47.
    Holly - Season 7, The Wink
    Related to Elaine so you know there's some dysfunction just below the surface. I dig the meatatarianism, but Mutton is too much. And enough about Grandma Memma already!!!
  19. 46.
    Celia - Season 9, The Merv Griffin Show
    Who has that many old toys in their living/dining room?!
  20. 45.
    Hallie - Season 7, The Friars Club
    Very pretty but friends with Susan - blech! No go.
  21. 44.
    Gillian - Season 8, The Bizarro Jerry
    Man Hands. Deal-breaker.
  22. 43.
    Tawni - Season 5, The Conversion
    Way too baby-voice, but cute. Not my cup of tea, baby.
  23. 42.
    Sheila - Season 7, The Soup Nazi
    The Shmoopies would get old rrrrreeeeeaaaalllll quick. Too manic okaythanksbye.
  24. 41.
    Alex - Season 8, The Muffin Tops
    Loves hairless and just looks mean - I'm out.
  25. 40.
    Lanette - Season 8, The Summer of George
    Love Her drive and looks, don't love the Dude.
  26. 39.
    Winona - Season 5, The Cigar Store Indian
    Pretty, I'm not sure I could avoid accidentally offending her somehow either unfortunately...
  27. 38.
    Sara - Season 9, The Slicer
    Pimple-popper MD!! Bonus for the red hair, but not making the grade compared to those above her on the list.
  28. 37.
    Mulva (JK it's Dolores) - Season 4, The Junior Mint
    Not really doing it for me looks-wise, and other than having a name from the 1920's nothing terribly wrong with her. Meh.
  29. 36.
    Abby - Season 8, The Fatigues
    The whole Bania/mentor thing is a turn-off, despite the pretty face. Maybe one date?
  30. 35.
    Lois - Season 6, The Race
    Good name, bad hair, good face - net positive. Hung up on the past though, who GAS About who won a foot race in school 20 years ago? Would date.
  31. 34.
    Jodi - Season 5, The Masseuse
    Stifler's mom won't submit to forced massage, and that's just mean. You're a masseuse!!! That's like being a chef and never cooking at home. WTF?
  32. 33.
    Sargent Cathy - Season 6, The Beard
    Pros: handcuffs and gun. Cons: manlier profession than mine.
  33. 32.
    Claire - Season 9, The Voice
    Her belly button is adorable and I'd have a hard time not doing the voice "helllllllooo, la la la" - one date is as far as I'd get.
  34. 31.
    Laura - Season 5, The Lipreader
    Hearing it not, she's hot, and having a Lipreader *would* be cool...
  35. 30.
    Melissa - Season 9, The Apology
    Cute and naked, but it's true - there's good naked, and bad naked. And I'm in the bad naked category; would like to give it whirl but I imagine I wouldn't last long before she kicked me back into the clothed dating pool.
  36. 29.
    Karen - Season 6, The Chaperone
    Sweet girl, albeit tone deaf AF. I'd want to see the birds but the chaperone is a nonstarter. Pretty face, bad hair, middle of the pack....
  37. 28.
    Nina - Season 3, The Letter
    I'd remain interested long enough to get in to the Yankees owners box (via her father), would probably buy some terrible art out of guilt.
  38. 27.
    Rachel - Season 5, The Raincoats 1 & 2, The Hamptons, The Opposite
    Saw George's frightened turtle, and is willing to make out in a movie theater. Dumps Jerry but I want to give it a go....
  39. 26.
    Christie - Season 7, The Seven
    More bonus points for being a ginger, she can wear the same dress with me - for a while. Then it's πŸ‘‹πŸΌ
  40. 25.
    Lena - Season 7, The Sponge
    Getting her number from Jerry, who got her number from the AIDS walk list - I want to see if I'm sponge-worthy!
  41. 24.
    Melanie - Season 7, The Engagement
    Pretty. Eats her peas one at a time. Must know more, must see more!
  42. 23.
    Margaret - Season 6, The Big Salad
    A natural beauty, no need for makeup - ginger bonus points. Unacceptable for Newman, don't think that would really bother me. Would date.
  43. 22.
    Audrey - Season 5, The Pie
    Won't eat pie and related to Poppie - 2 strikes. Not sure what the 3rd strike would be, but because she's hot I'm willing to invest in a few dates to find out.
  44. 21.
    Jeannie - Season 8, The Invitations & The Foundation
    Sooo much like Jerry this would entertain me for a long time....
  45. 20.
    Marlene - Season 1, The Ex-Girlfriend
    Hot, bonus points for Southern accent. Not much in the way of career aspirations. 2 or 3 dates max.
  46. 19.
    Isabel - Season 3, The Nose Job
    Soooo hot but dumb, I'd have to break it off after a few dates.
  47. 18.
    Beth - Season 8, The Yadda Yadda
    Special spot in my ❀️ for her, as when Will & Grace was still on my wife got her as doppelgÀnger all the time. Too bad she's a racist. 😟
  48. 17.
    Sharon - Season 4, The Outing
    Stuck in the middle of Jerry and George's weird homosexual are they or aren't they, she seems like a nice girl. Would date.
  49. 16.
    Vanessa - Season 1, The Stakeout & The Stock Tip
    Nice lady, pretty face, smart and witty, she works at Simon, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Don't take her to a B&B in Vermont too early in the relationship.
  50. 15.
    Tia - Season 4, The Pick
    Very pretty model, Kramer can STFU about his perfume scent ("The Ocean"). Making sure not to pick my nose around her, I'd date her as long as she'd let me, knowing that eventually she'd get bored of me or the travel would be too much or she'd catch me picking my nose. I can't not.
  51. 14.
    Donna - Season 2, The Phone Message
    Very pretty, don't know much about her other than her affinity for Dockers commercials. Need (and want) to see more.
  52. 13.
    Jenna - Season 8, The Pothole
    Sooo 😍😍, but is a real toilet water magnet and also dated Bania. I'd give it a try though.
  53. 12.
    Sandy and Laura - Season 6, The Switch
    Counting them together, post Jerry mΓ©nage convo. You know it's going to end poorly and they'll end up not living together, but you gotta. You gotta!!!
  54. 11.
    Bridgette - Season 5, The Diplomat's Club
    A supermodel who is DTF in the Diplomats Club - πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ!!! Ride this train as long as she'll let me stay on board.....
  55. 10.
    Nikki - Season 7, The Calzone
    Yes please!😍 Hot and knows it, which would get annoying after a while. She probably just lays there, but I'd like to find out....
  56. 9.
    Sidra - Season 4, The Implant
    This goes back to the Lois and Clark days - she's hot.😍. I don't know that I'd agree with "spectacular," but they are real. A little too uptight for me but we would have fun while it lasted.
  57. 8.
    Jane - Season 5, The Stall
    On one hand, couldn't spare a square; on the other hand, knows how to talk dirty and gets paid for it. The bathroom is thunderdome, so dirty talk wins out for a few dates - not pretty enough to crack the top....
  58. 7.
    Pam πŸ’ - Season 8, The Soul Mate
    She can bring home the bacon a fry it in the pan! She's got a Meryl Streep thing going on and is a big reader. Ginger bonus, but I'd have a difficult time trying compete with Kramer and the velvet scrunchie.....
  59. 6.
    MerylπŸ’ - Season 5, The Wife
    Jerry couldn't handle the pressure of the fake marriage; I'd hang in there longer than he did, but only because I wouldn't move as quickly down the fake aisle.
  60. 5.
    AmyπŸ’ - Season 5, The Glasses
    Hot and wrongly accused of kissing Jerry's cousin due to George and his glasses issue (quick aside - the "no glasses" thing is right up there with "no cell signal" for me as far as lazy plot devices. I'm legally blind but my eyes don't turn in to kaleidoscopes without my glasses/contacts...I digress) - want to date and see where it goes....
  61. 4.
    ValerieπŸ’πŸ’ - Season 8, The Millenium
    She can put me anywhere she wants on her speed dial! 😍 I would love spending the Newmanium with her. She already knows how to rank things in a list, so bonus connection.
  62. 3.
    Elaine Benes πŸ’πŸ’ - Every Season
    I know I know, how could she not be #1?! I could look past the dancing, the narcissism, her intimidating father, her roster, all of it because she's ELAINE and JLD is 😍😍😍😍 and the comedy; but to live a full and happy married life, I'm afraid we'd have to work on mellowing out a little. If #1 and #2 don't work out, not a bad place to end up....
  63. 2.
    EllenπŸ’πŸ’πŸ’ - Season 8, The Van Buren Boys
    Perfect. Hot, smart, funny. Must lock it down ASAP. Jerry doesn't like how perfect she is - he's an idiot. I'd rank her 1b if would let me.....
  64. 1.
    Patty πŸ’πŸ’πŸ’ - Season 9, The Serenity Now
    😍😍😍. So what if she wants me to show some emotion? Happy to! I'll eat flan with her at La Caridad every meal if that's what she wants!!! 10/10